It’s the day after New Year’s Day, that shit day when you have to go back into work with a two day hangover and absolutely nothing to look forward to, Christmas is a distant memory.

I hate, no I fucking loathe this time of year, in the North of England it’s wet and grey. It was grey when I woke up this morning and do you know when it finally stopped being grey? When it went dark. Happy New Year!

It is at this point in the year that I normally struggle the most with my mental health, the time of year when my external environment actually mirrors my internal grey smoosh. However, I’ve had a great day and it’s because I’ve learned a few things.

One thing was highlighted by the fact that I saw so many New Year posts on Social Media telling me about how people had had a rough year. The posts pretty much went it’s not been my year but here’s to the next. Hold up, the entire year hasn’t been your year? 365 days of misery? I was also going to write something similar on New Year’s Day because I have been at some of my lowest points this year and probably had more bad days than good, but then I realised. Posting this on Social Media isn’t going to do anything about it. Looking back and re-living those miserable days isn’t going to make me happy. Yes I had shit days but look at everything I achieved, I set up my own website and blog, I got a silver medal after 6 years of telling myself I wasn’t good enough at Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, I started to send out my scripts to competitions and production companies, I went travelling in Scandinavia with just a rucksack on my back. I did all this and more, but still had a rough year.

Dwelling on those negative days doesn’t help anyone though. Dwelling on the things you failed to do doesn’t diminish the things you did you. As people with mental health problems, we spend all our time overthinking, we spent too much time putting pressure on ourselves. We are own own bully, and I really hate Bullies! So, why do I spend most of my days being one?

That script isn’t good enough Paul, why haven’t you written anything today and just sat watching 4 hours of back to back Stranger Things, why have you not written that blog post you piece of shit!

It’s horrible, if anyone else said these things to us we’d tell them to piss off but because it’s the voice in our head then we just let it get away with it.

No more, not this year bitch!

Some days you’ll be productive, some days you’ll be happy, but some days we will feel like crap and all of those scenarios are okay. It’s okay if I write, it’s okay if I don’t. If I miss a deadline at work or arrive late for a Social appointment does it really matter. Take the pressure off yourself. I’ve been beating myself up because I should be writing about my adventure to Sweden Rock Festival instead of this, but who gives a fuck!?

This is my little corner of the internet, if I get to Sweden Rocks then great, if I don’t then who cares. Let’s relax the pressure on ourselves and stop carrying all the tension around with us.

Let’s have a year that is rough, that is hard but it’s also awesome and beautiful and fucking memorable. Let’s kick 2018’s dick off with fantastic memories.

No one looks back and goes oh do you remember that time I led on the couch and felt sad!? No you remember the days you jumped out of a plane then did a reading at your cousin’s wedding on the same day (I also did that this year, I just forgot to write it down earlier).

I look awful in this pic but who cares, I actually flew through the sky this year!

Remember the things worth remembering.

Not New Year, New me. Old you but improved, happy and ready to make the next year your bitch.

I would normally spend ages proof reading this to make sure it’s perfect but who needs the stress? I’ve just spewed words onto the page, proof reading is so last year.

Let the revolution begin x