I’ve always been into gaming, I love any medium that tells a story, whether that is through music, film, games or just some pissed up old guy you can’t get rid of in a local pub. However, I never really consider myself a hardcore gamer due to the fact that I only ever play very specific games.

My love affair with gaming dates back to playing Pitfall on the Atari, I sometimes think I’m still young and then I actually remember, I actually owned a fucking Atari. I used to love playing that thing and then I progressed through Mega Drive to my PS One. I remember playing Disney’s Aladdin and Hercules, moving to Abe’s Odyssey and Crash Bandicoot. These were all amazing to play and became classics that would later get remade (I loved the remastered version of Crash Bandicoot) but they were kids games.

My real love affair with gaming began when I got a bootleg copy of Resident Evil 3 – Nemesis. It was the year I would start high school so I was about 11/12 years old, playing the scariest thing I had ever seen. I always find horror games more intense than horror films because in a film the terror is being inflicted on a character, in a game, you ARE that character so it’s a lot more personal and therefore, a lot more intense.

Also, because I had a bootleg copy, it played fine but was randomly in black and white. Do you know what’s scarier than playing Resident Evil as a pre-teen kid by yourself? Playing the god-damn thing in black and white. That was very eerie.

As I got older I got into all the multiplayers like Counter Strike, Call of Duty and most recently Overwatch (probably the greatest multiplayer I have ever owned). So I like a lot of games, but they all have similar themes, patterns or gameplay.

I enjoy the linear narrative of survival horror or the tactical mayhem of a multiplayer/first person shooter but that’s it really. Whenever I have tried to stray from those two formulas I have always struggled to enjoy the game. Why though?

What I discovered was that I began to hate the open world style gameplay, so for all you non-gamers this is where you have a full world to explore rather than being set to a restricted path. I first discovered this whilst playing Avatar the Game, then Far Cry and, even though I loved them when I was younger, the Grand Theft Auto series.

Grand Theft Auto is the perfect example because GTA3 and Vice City were small maps, tight missions but as the games got bigger, more expansive, the more I hated them. You could spend 2 hours on the game and not progress towards the end in any way and then it dawned on me why I hated them so much.

Choice.

In survival horror you have a set path to follow, in multiplayer FPS you have an objective to achieve. In an open world the choice is YOURS… you can go and explore, you can do missions, you can do side missions, you can do everything and you can do nothing… there are so many options to choose from. The reason I hated this is because I get so stressed when it comes to making a decision because I’m terrified of making a mistake. With the games I like to play I don’t have to make too many decisions, the game does that for me so I am free to escape into the story for a while. With an open world, it becomes more like real life where you have so many decisions to make, and it can often get a bit overwhelming.

Who’d have thought that gaming could be such a profound experience?

Therefore for a long time I’ve stuck to my formula, played the games I like to play… but that’s me settling into my comfort zone.

Comfort is the enemy of progress.

Therefore the more progress I make with my mental health, the more I enjoy pushing myself outside of my comfort zone.

As I’ve mentioned, I love survival horror but because my mental health will often keep me on edge, it can be difficult to then put yourself on edge in another environment, be it virtual or not. Therefore I asked my nerd gaming guru (Amy if you read this, I’m talking about you) to recommend some games that were restricted narrative but were a little less intense.

For any gaming geeks out there this is the list she gave me…

– The Last of Us (think you already have!)

– Shadow of the Colossus

– The Sexy Brutale

– LA Noire

– Bioshock 1 and Infinite

– Uncharted (they’re all ace)

– Tomb Raider

– Max Payne 3

– Hitman

– Bloodborne (If you’ve got the balls)

– Metal Gear

– God of War

I chose to give Hitman a try (because I have seen the film and played a short demo, otherwise I’d have spent days trying to choose from the above list) and it has helped me massively overcome my fear of making the wrong decision. Hitman has a single mission objective (to eliminate your target) but the method can be a variety of ways. Different opportunities will pop up and you can choose to follow or ignore them… but it is ME who has to choose. The game is also slow, it is teaching me to be patient, a hit man stalks quietly and remains unseen so this is a challenge for me. I actually went a little trigger happy in my first mission and may or may not have killed 51 bodyguards on a high-rise balcony… BUT I have learned since then and prefer to take it slow and go unnoticed.

Ooops

Some people may think gaming is a waste of time, or they may wish to spend their time watching a box set or a film franchise than picking up a control pad and escaping into a virtual world. However, for me the escape has also let me practice new skills. Being able to practice having patience and forcing me to make decisions has pushed me out of my comfort zone and allowed me to not be as stressed when I encounter similar situations in the real world.

I obviously mean situations like being patient or making decisions and not killing people for money… or do I?

Well done Agent 47.

Paul Day Away